Remembering

I've had countless moments in the past two weeks where I've been stressing about the details of how my future is going to unfold. Bizzare. Completely caught me off guard--which is exactly what happens in the practice of life. Whatever happened to surrender? Whatever happened to my path already being laid before my feet by the Divine? Whatever happened to my "going with the flow" attitude that I've adopted for most of my stay here in Thailand? I come back to old fears about not having enough money and my journey over here ending before I'm ready to leave. And then I go on an entire mind trip about how I'm going to be broke and jobless if I do have to go back to the States. Unnecessary and irrational thought process? Perhaps.

But that doesn't change the fact that these things are weighing on my mind and heart because I'm letting them. I forget in these moments where I'm completely consumed in the details that life is supposed to be effortless, and that I don't need to put the emotional charge on the outcome in the future. I forget that I'm completely guided and never forsaken on this adventure on the other side of the Pacific. I forget that I need to be gentle with myself and not judge my emotions, remembering that I'm experiencing every moment authentically. I forget those two separate, rare encounters with the elusive black and white butterfly, who blessed each of my feet as I move forward. 

So that's the lesson, isn't it? Remembering that the path is already laid before my feet and that on this path, I cannot make a mistake. Everything is unfolding as it is meant to, and it's not my job to stress about the details. My job is to remain effortless and to welcome all emotion and experience as gracefully as I can. Now begins the 24/7 process of letting go and trusting that everything is going to be ok. I will never be without a place to sleep, food to eat, and Love enveloping me.